At this point I'm fairly certain that all of this is made up... none of it is actually how I write it, I've just warped it in my mind. Mom and dad are here all the time. Matt, well, he may not love me, but he cares. He is genuine, which is more than I can say about anyone else I've ever dated. I'm not worthless, I just feel that way and my insecurity is finally getting the better of me. I've been able to hold it back for so long, but I fear that the hole that's been slowly forming in my soul is growing exponentially and I have no idea how to stop it. How do you become whole again? How can someone who is expected to be strong and sturdy and holding up the world for everyone show their weakness and their brokenness? More importantly, how can whatever is broken be fixed and put back together? Even if I do begin to heal, I'll find a way to destroy it all again. Perhaps I have doomed myself to this life. Perhaps I will become the dark fey after all... at least then I'll be strong in my hidden, if make-believe, darkness. At least then I could finally be a fairy and do magic and stuff... I bet that would preoccupy me enough to pretend my psych issues aren't there... I dunno, I guess we'll see. Plus, she's all about healing and taking care of/ ruler of the "blessed dead"... I think I could do that...
For those of you who aren't cool and don't know who Morgan le Fey (also spelled Fay), here is the link so you'll have a slight clue of what I'm rambling on about...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgan_le_Fay
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