Slowly But Surely

Gosh. I just went on the best date I have ever been on and gosh. I just... I can't explain it. You had to be there... and you probably werent so that's tough. But it was GREAT. I am so happy. I am slowly getting over this whole psycho ex thing and at some point I will get over the road blocks i put up on my own. I am trying. Happy is a good step towards improvement. I am SO happy. I just can't help it. I am in the best mood I have been in for a long time. And I am starting to feel somewhat better about everything I just felt bad about. I still feel bad, but it is okay. There is a lot about me no one knows and no one knows this. lol. Anyway, I am EXAUSTED but i am HAPPY! I guess I will write later!
-Me

Golly Gee

gosh! B-rock, and all of my other friends for that matter, were completely right and I am the stupidest person alive! I am so sorry I didn't listen to any of you and I am so sorry to JDH that I didnt listen to them either... I have no idea why and I am sorry. gosh, I am head over heels in love and i just cant help it! But i don't want to help it, I love this feeling, it is the greatest thing in the whole world. *sigh* I hope this feeling never goes away. Have you ever seen Charlie Brown? Well, in Charlie Brown, everytime he or anyone else gets all gooey inside and is inlove they get this little squiggley smile and gosh, if my face could do that, it would. I am just so happy. Slowly but surely I will make this right and I will fix everything I have done wrong. I hope I will anyway, I don't know how I will ever make up to you all of the things I have done and all the mistakes I have made but I will... somehow. I wish I could just open up my mind and heart and conscience, which may be the same thing but i dont think so, and just pour everything in there out but I cant. I will fix things though. That's all for now. -Me

Trust Me, It's Real

I thought I was taking a computer class since the class is title Computer Multimedia and Animations Technology but apparently not. I am taking Psycology and Philosophy 101. Lol, we had a very deep discussion about bringing us out of Descartes' cave and get us to see real things, not shadows and how emotions are just chemical reactions and nothing is real. Well, if what I am feeling now is only chemicals and if what I am seeing and experiencing is only shadows, then let it be. Gosh, I just can't explain how great my boyfriend makes me feel. I don't feel pressured into doing things, I dont feel bad when I hang out w/ my friends, I don't have to be someone else, I can just be me. I went to some basketball games w/ him and gosh, I just love being with him. My CMAT teacher can tell me all day long that nothing is real and we are al conrolled by an evil demon, but I don't care. This is real and if it's not, then I dont care what real is. I really like my bf, and the way he makes me feel is real enough for me.

I Love Butterflies

Good gravy! Life is great! and yet it is horrible. I LOVE being so happy! heehee. me and this new guy (the new bf in previous posts) went to see another movie and it was great. i dont know if the movie was great or if it was just great because I was w/ him but it was great. He's a great guy! Anyway, everytime i start getting happy about all of this, my ex keeps popping into the pic and making me feel bad and have a guilt trip. He has a very manipulative part of him that I often want to give into but I am too strong for his mind tricks. I dont know that he means to do it, but he does and it makes me feel bad when he gets so upset and then tries to make it all my fault and stuff. Gosh, I feel so bad but then i rememebr how happy i am! :) :) :) at the moment, i am also remembering how HUNGRY i am and i am going to have to take my leave of this little cubicle. *sigh* :) i am so happy