New Love

So, after months and months of agony over Derrick, I finally meet Carsten... Carsten is my soccer captain. He's a junior and he's gonna be a CA next year and he's really funny... I like him... but I'm not w/ him.. Nope. I'm too shy. So I also kinda fancy Matt. Matt is a little shorter than me which is no big deal... I dont care if he doesnt. But Matt is also much older than me and he's sweet as can be and has a great time but I'm not w/ Matt bc I'm a wussie. However, I met this guy... Shannon. He's real sweet, treats me good and all that... but I am afraid of a few things.
1) he's gonna realize he can do better and leave me
2) he's gonna get bored of me and go find better
3) He's gonna think I'm a bother and in the way
4) He's gonna get annoyed by my peppy personality and leave me

Today he was asked to take out the recycling which is no big deal... it took us about an hour to do 3 dorms and take it to the trash cans. So I ask if I can help and he says no... so after much begging he lets me but he's now mad at me for asking. Then we get to work and I think it's fun and I tell him I'm enjoying it and he just seems even more upset about it. Then later he says I'm being too happy and too energetic and I'm sorry so I try to tone it down but it's really hard for me. So then he tells me that he didnt want me to go bc he didnt want me to see him uspet. boo frickin' hoo. People get upset. Period. If you're in a relationship w/ someone, they're the people that should be comfortable w/ you being upset. Especially w/ me. I think he's had a life where he's been expected to grin and bear it... or at least bear it and now he won't let anyone else in. It makes me mad/sad/frustrated all at once. Matt (the one I mentioned earlier) keeps telling me we are all wrong for each other and that I should break it off now but I can't help but think that we aren't ALL wrong for each other. I really like Shannon. He's sweet and smart and funny and I love it when he does his accents and idk, there are a lot of things but today everything that happened just really upset me. One thing after another just pushed me over the edge into depression and sadness. Oh well though... I suppose those days come. I can't let him know. He'd hate himself and then feel bad and then he'd really never open up to me. I dunno what else to do. I tried be supportive, I tried being loving, I tried being optimistic, I tried happy, hard working, calm, excited, everything. Nothing works. Everything I tried to make him feel better just made him more upset it seems. I dont know what to do. I want to make him happy. thats all that could make me happy is making him happy. he doesnt understand that. I love... i LIVE to make people happy. It is my true passion... pleasing others. I will do anything to please other people. everyone tells me to make myself happy but no. I can't be happy unless everyone else is happy. If that means not eating, not getting what I want, not being on time, what ever it means, it's okay as long as everone else is happy. I dont know where the other morgan went that looked out for #1 but this Morgan... now Morgan, only wants to make everyone else happy first. and shannon doesnt understand that. Idk, time for a enw blog, sry. I'll be back to this later.